We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Did I show you my penis last night?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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