my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
