Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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