I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
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For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
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Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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