She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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