tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
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He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
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You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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