Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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