I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
