You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
