Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
