Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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