Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
