hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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