I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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