he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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