I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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