I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
