i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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