I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
