I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Is Oprah even human
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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