I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
