Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
