cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
