girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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