we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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