sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
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My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
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You need Xanax blowdarts
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize