Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
