sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
