wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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