Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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