actually, I'm a sock model
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
