my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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