There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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