is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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