I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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