mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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