She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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