my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
