you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
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judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
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I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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