Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
