$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
