Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize