That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
