we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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