do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
