i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
