just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize
