it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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