Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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