my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize