...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
