Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
