Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
