Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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