Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
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also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
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I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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