So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
