He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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