If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize