please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Randomize
