But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
