What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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